I am an Ajebutter. Not by birth, or by formings, or by swag – I am
simply an unapologetic Ajebutter by default. I didn’t choose to be born
one. God, without seeking my opinion (because He’s God, I guess), gave
me the genes of an Ajebutter and a funny Bri-Merican accent . By luck
or some twisted work of fate, fortune, Karma (I might have killed ten
defenseless puppies in my past life) or destiny, I have found myself in
Lagos, crazy Lasgidi, and this is my story…
Yes O! I don port o...
Finally I decided to move from the Lagos mainland to the Island, and Jesus, I'm loving it. Having spent over a year in Surulere, and dealing with a number of interesting occurrences and lifestyles, I wish never to return....ever!
To be honest, (before you all begin to think of all the fancy residential spots in your head,), I didn't move to Victoria Island, Lekki Phase 1, or where the old money resides, Ikoyi. Nah, they're way too expensive for me...for now. I moved to a less fancy spot with plenty of water, and a high number of Niger Republicans.
I moved to Ajah! The glorious suburb of Lagos.
I have spent 2 weeks here, battling with my new environs, dealing with the tush neighbours, and getting used to the idea that I never will have to leave home without dipping my fine shoes in some little puddle, or try to dribble my way out of a number of small ponds.
And in 2 weeks, I have discovered the true meaning of life. You see, this life ain't all about the grind, and daily hustle that characterize living on the mainland. It's a bit more than that. A little chill, a little more relaxation, and boom! Life becomes clearer.
For example, I now know how much a bag of cement is worth. On the mainland, I was too busy fighting off Agberos to even remotely consider building my house. But now the world appears free from trouble and pidgin english, so now I must build that house. Gbam!
And also, one other really interesting feature I love about living in Ajah, are the ladies. Of course! The women here are mostly tush. They have a sense of esteem and belonging, and always swing their hips slowly to seducing effect. Yes, I have been looking, and that's only because they wear very strong colognes to always make me notice them. Other than that, I'm a good Christian brother, born, baptized, and bred in the Presbyterian Church of Nigeria. Amen.
But before I go, let me at least spare some kind words to the Lagos mainland. My sweet Lagos Mainland.
'Dear Land Of Agberos,
How are you? I hope you haven't exploded from all that population, hustle, and Agberos?
Well, after one year of scary but interesting romance, I have decided to break up with you. Not because you are bad, or haven't been nice to me, but because all the Agberos in the world originate from you, and I can't speak my English with a confused accent without being threatened by some envious illiterate. Also, Alomo and Agbo aren't my favorite drinks, neither do I love to smoke weed and SK.
But you do love those things, and no matter how much I try to live with it, I have discovered that I can't. It make s life hell for me. Even all your Danfo conductors aren't helping. The other day, one ran away with my N900 balance, the other one stole N40,000 from a passenger, and jumped into the sea. Although he was later caught sha.
Not to say you were really that bad. All the late night roadside noodles and eggs couldn't have been possible without you. Also, I can speak some Yoruba now, and also know the taste of Amala and Ewedu. Thanks. I will look back with fondness on all the good times we shared.
Your Runaway Boyfriend,
Jonathan Joey Akan
Yes O! I don port o...
Finally I decided to move from the Lagos mainland to the Island, and Jesus, I'm loving it. Having spent over a year in Surulere, and dealing with a number of interesting occurrences and lifestyles, I wish never to return....ever!
To be honest, (before you all begin to think of all the fancy residential spots in your head,), I didn't move to Victoria Island, Lekki Phase 1, or where the old money resides, Ikoyi. Nah, they're way too expensive for me...for now. I moved to a less fancy spot with plenty of water, and a high number of Niger Republicans.
I moved to Ajah! The glorious suburb of Lagos.
I have spent 2 weeks here, battling with my new environs, dealing with the tush neighbours, and getting used to the idea that I never will have to leave home without dipping my fine shoes in some little puddle, or try to dribble my way out of a number of small ponds.
And in 2 weeks, I have discovered the true meaning of life. You see, this life ain't all about the grind, and daily hustle that characterize living on the mainland. It's a bit more than that. A little chill, a little more relaxation, and boom! Life becomes clearer.
For example, I now know how much a bag of cement is worth. On the mainland, I was too busy fighting off Agberos to even remotely consider building my house. But now the world appears free from trouble and pidgin english, so now I must build that house. Gbam!
And also, one other really interesting feature I love about living in Ajah, are the ladies. Of course! The women here are mostly tush. They have a sense of esteem and belonging, and always swing their hips slowly to seducing effect. Yes, I have been looking, and that's only because they wear very strong colognes to always make me notice them. Other than that, I'm a good Christian brother, born, baptized, and bred in the Presbyterian Church of Nigeria. Amen.
But before I go, let me at least spare some kind words to the Lagos mainland. My sweet Lagos Mainland.
'Dear Land Of Agberos,
How are you? I hope you haven't exploded from all that population, hustle, and Agberos?
Well, after one year of scary but interesting romance, I have decided to break up with you. Not because you are bad, or haven't been nice to me, but because all the Agberos in the world originate from you, and I can't speak my English with a confused accent without being threatened by some envious illiterate. Also, Alomo and Agbo aren't my favorite drinks, neither do I love to smoke weed and SK.
But you do love those things, and no matter how much I try to live with it, I have discovered that I can't. It make s life hell for me. Even all your Danfo conductors aren't helping. The other day, one ran away with my N900 balance, the other one stole N40,000 from a passenger, and jumped into the sea. Although he was later caught sha.
Not to say you were really that bad. All the late night roadside noodles and eggs couldn't have been possible without you. Also, I can speak some Yoruba now, and also know the taste of Amala and Ewedu. Thanks. I will look back with fondness on all the good times we shared.
Your Runaway Boyfriend,
Jonathan Joey Akan
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